Forty Turning Fourteen

When I was younger, I always thought that midlife crisis was older men buying sports cars and the empty nest. I didn't really think that it had to do with the clash or challenge of roles.

I don't think that it is possible for a mom to be working and not have challenges with balancing life. Let's face it, a mom is a mom. There are certain things that a mom will do that a dad really isn't wired up to do. There are certain things that a child asks a mom to do that they don't ask a dad. There are certain things that a daughter asks a mom to do and only a mom.

So why am I forty feeling fourteen? I feel like an insecure teenager trying to find my way. What is life all about? What role am I supposed to be filling? How am I supposed to do this? Finding my way along this challenging and sometimes very lonely path. Feeling like I'm the only one facing what I'm facing what I am facing. Feeling like no one will even understand even if I tried.

Do you think a man can ever be completely satisfied at home? Do you think a man's role is intrinsically to be the breadwinner? What happens if the woman's income is more steady? Life is complicated so it's not always cut and dried. So here I am in the breadwinner role and Dave's earning potential is steadily rising. But now I've worn this hat for years now so like all change it is terribly exciting and welcome. But it's just a matter of allowing Dave to step forward and I need to step back and let go of the reins. You would think that would be easy but why am I having such a hard time letting go?

Truly, I think that I am feeling a bit of role fatigue. I think I need to step back and allow Dave to take this role. Thankfully, jobs seem to be falling into place to allow Dave to do this. Hopefully, they will continue to come our way. Praying for this to be ongoing.