Bitterness

The challenges continue, the sleep deprivation continues and the anger accumulates.

The fight continues, the hurdles accumulate and the tiredness lingers. 

The hurdles seem larger, the fight seems to take more effort and the joy seems lessened.

The world feels more lonely. People are all going from point A to point B on their own quests. Their own struggles.

I saw something on the news about our generation. Apparently we work 300 more hours than our counterparts in Germany, or Sweden. The government doesn't do a very good job to assist us with childcare. The person that had done the research from the University of Calgary thinks that more needs to be done to help us spend more time with our children. We are working more to make ends meet. Our children are going to school with less skills. 

With Zach's autism, we get money for respite. Initially it really didn't matter how much they would throw at us, we still didn't have anyone to watch our children. One of the downfalls from being so far away from our families. But thankfully later on we found some great people that babysat to allow Dave and I to have well needed breaks. I know that a lot of other parents don't have the privilege of having these breaks. The stressors that we endure force us to be united as a couple and sometimes function more as a business than as a couple. I am so blessed that Dave and my relationship has truly grown stronger. Many marriages with a child with autism are not so fortunate. 

But how doesn't a little bit of bitterness set in? How do you protect yourself from the pain and bitterness? Why do we have a child we autism and why does Jack have so many struggles? Why do we have four kids that are allergic to peanuts? Is it something in the environment that is affecting our children and are they the tip of the iceberg? Are our children the canary in the mine? The canary is very sensitive to the oxygen level in the mine so if the canary dies, the men know that they need to get out and fast.

I know... so many questions and so few answers. I wish that I could say that I have arrived and this is the pathway everyone can take. But life is hard and we need each other to survive and get by. No man is an island. Hopefully together we will gain wisdom to carry on and grow stronger.