The End is Growing Near

So my mom had to go for the feeding tube reinsertion. Now with every kind of procedure there is some risk. With someone in my mom's condition they have to ask about the what ifs... What if her heart stopped? What if she stopped breathing? Heartwrenching difficult questions. What are the life saving measures she wants?

Oh man am I ever grateful that I am a nurse. It is so hard facing these questions about your loved one at any time but without the nursing experience, it would be so much harder.

The obvious response to these questions would be not to resuscitate but it is not necessarily the easiest to accept. I saw the fear in my mom's eyes. I saw that she wasn't ready to go. Pretty uncomfortable questions if you have no beliefs. What happens after you die? Are you truly ready to die? My mom signed the form not to resuscitate however she asked me to have that changed afterwards.

I then returned to work praying that it would all go well. I too wasn't ready to say goodbye.

This whole situation was like a role reversal...the daughter taking on more of the caregiver role and looking out for the mother. All the while still thinking that I was too young for all of this.

The tube insertion went well but they were going to keep her in hospital. She was becoming weaker and walking was a real challenge. The doctor was talking about home care assistance now but that could take time to get in place. Therefore she was shuffled from the medical unit to a short term unit. The movement from one unit to another was very upsetting to her. Medications adjusted and never seeming to go well.

A few days later the muscles around her mouth were so weak that her jaw became locked open. This short term temporary unit was really ill equipped to deal with her jaw being locked open that they had to send her down to the emergency room.

And again this is becoming long so I will continue another day.