The Victim

Don't want to be the victim here but it's difficult not to feel like enough is enough already. Is it possible not to become bitter here? How do you avoid becoming angry when you just feel like you are trudging along and all your hard work just isn't getting you anywhere? Is it possible not to become angry at God? Is it possible not to blame God?

When is it enough? I obviously do not understand God! I obviously do not see the point of suffering. I really don't understand or see any point of all of the hardship we are going through.

Am I just misinformed about who God really is? Or is it really not about God at all? Is it just that we are human beings and imperfect? Is it just that, excuse the expression, that shit happens? Is it just the same shit but a different pile?

So if it is just misinformed information, how do you figure out who God really is? I just don't want to hit rock bottom. I don't want to surrender and have to suffer the consequences. But I don't want to live a life of just existing, doing my duties and just scraping by. To me that is not living.

In the newspaper today it said something about serving others and that brings some satisfaction. Is that the secret I am missing? Am I just too inwardly focussed? Am I just too self centred?

I feel a little bit like a tornado! Blowing through an area and being destructive to certain things in my path. I don't want to be destructive. I want to choose life and have the abundant life.

Now, is it just a matter of choosing? Is it just making a conscious choice to change? What is the psychology behind changing behaviour again? What about making the conscious choice to make a difference in one person's life every day? I may start with something trivial but over time, it could make a difference. It's a start anyways.