Phantom mother

Heard a "Focus on the family" yesterday morning about the affects of a phantom mother on their children. Phantom mother's can cause their children to be very independent and looking for love. This makes total sense with how I am and who I am.

In the podcast, they mentioned that people are quick to state everything father's do wrong but far less about their mother's. The mother's role is quite sacred.

I look at everything my mom did for us with her health challenges and her limitations and I think she was amazing. She suffered with depression and anxiety. The verdict is out if she had bipolar. I distinctly recall my mom telling me about the awful side effects when she was taken off lithium abruptly. I have no idea when she was started on it, or why she would be on it other than a diagnosis of bipolar. I'm not sure who would have diagnosed bipolar? Then again, our doctor in Kitchener was a pill pusher so I could totally see him prescribing lithium. Some doctor's!

Or was it actually schizophrenia?...I am unsure. Both diagnoses were mentioned but one will never know. She was also on an antipsychotic medication as well. Either way, there was some kind of mental illness that we were dealing with.

Anyways, dealing with mental illness definitely affects a child's upbringing. But would a child know any different anyways? Either way, it forced me to be independent.

Not much time to feel like being silly. Pretty serious issues and fighting the sadness life brings. Distant father didn't help either. At least if there was one balanced parent, life would have taken on a whole new perspective. I would look at other little girl's with their father's and just be filled with longing and envy.

So how does my phantom mother affect my parenting style? Does that play any part in the mother I am today even if I don't realize it? I know I can consciously choose who I want to be but doesn't everything play a part in who you are? Even somewhat?

Well on that light note I will say goodnight. Always more thoughts to come.