So I can see Jack being an amazing leader when he is older but I'm also terrified that he could go down the wrong path and end up in jail. That is absolutely terrifying to me and puts tremendous pressure on me.
How we manage this gift?/curse? can make all the difference in the world in how Jack turns out. How do you help this kid if you cannot figure out any strategies that help him?
So help is on it's way. Do do do... Do you hear the trumpets? Focus on the family has podcasts that we can download on our computer and there is a podcast on Surviving The Strong Willed Child. I was nearly in tears when I started listening to the first of the two part series on my way to work. What? I'm not alone? What? It may not be ADHD? Or it may be something that complicates the ADHD! I was thrilled to have stumbled upon this podcast.
Cynthia Tobias was talking about the strong willed child and she is a strong willed person. She has also written a book about it. "You can't make me but I can be persuaded!" I cannot wait to get ahold of this book.
Up to this point, we have not been able to figure out any strategies that work for him. Dave and I have talked to many people regarding the challenges with Jack but no one has ever given us the advice we have been searching for. So to find this podcast and to have a label for our struggle has given us something to work on. Information is valuable!
So continue searching for answers to whatever you are struggling through. Some things take far longer than other struggles to work through. But when you discover something, it makes all the hard work you have struggled through worth it.
So what did I learn...
I cannot force him to do anything!
That what I am feeling is normal. I thought I was just a horrible frustrated mother. But sadly I am not alone.
Semantics is everything! There are just slightly different ways to say the same thing. But the results are completely different.
You don't have to resort to yelling or anger. Anger is the absolutely worst approach and as I suspected you need the respect and relationship.
The most important word to use is "ok" to make something a question rather than commanding them to do something.
A strong willed child doesn't want a weak parent. So weakness brings more disrespect.
That God has blessed us with a child like Jack.
Maybe these things seem like a no brainer to you.
So is it working you ask? Reverse psychology works well. Some of the things need to be tweaked because of his age and speech delay. Jack gives me a very confused look when I tell him he doesn't need to wash his hands before dinner. The sad thing is that he goes and does it. How is that for defiance?!!!
Tonight at soccer Dave met a woman with a son just like Jack. Again, they too have gone to the so-called specialists and have received no help. So I just ask myself...how many more Jack's are there out there? And how many other families are suffering like ours searching for answers...searching for support?