Balancing Money With Personal Need

So our goal is to pay down some debt but my struggle is between the desire to pay off the debt but also the need for a break. We have a potential person for childcare and her rate is excellent.

But the dilemma is that I have so much vacation these days that our need for childcare isn't as great. Oh I know...too bad for Ann. She has so much vacation time. These vacation days are paid days off so my stress level may actually start to decrease. So fantastic!

So here we have this great person to provide childcare so I don't really want to pass her up. In the past, I haven't wanted to book a nanny on my day off because the nannies have been so costly. Now, to have the option of booking a nanny with a reasonable rate may actually allow me to take a day to myself guilt free. Now to actually use them so my day off will be rejuvenating is the key.

How do you balance your personal time with your work time and the time with your children? I want time with my children but I think that I'm a way better mom if I have the down time. So many of us moms have bought into the lie that we need to be with our children 100% of the time to be great moms. But don't you think you are a better mom when your life is being fulfilled somehow?

How do you become fulfilled? Is it through your work, your faith, your children, your spouse or even something else? My middle age has challenged all of my preconceived notions so I no longer know what I believe anymore. Life has thrown me so many curve balls. I feel like I am spiraling out of control with no actual pathway. I'm stuck in a field of corn looking for the pathway but every way I turn seems to lead me to nowhere. Desiring a direction. This way, that way, any way that will just lead me to a better place than I am in now. Please show me the way!

So here I am. Stuck in a rut. Spinning my wheels but not actually going anywhere. Feeling all alone with huge desires to find others who are on a similar path. Is anyone out there? Am I the only one that is so screwed up, so blindsided by what life has thrown at me? Has anyone else felt blindsided by life? Anyone else feel ill equipped? Just give me the right equipment. Something, just anything that will help me to become unstuck.