I don't want to downplay the seriousness of ADD (attention deficit disorder). It truly can be a very huge struggle in a marriage beyond the regular struggles of marriage.
Now please understand that I separate these struggles from Dave. Dave has ADD but it doesn't define who he is. So, what I am saying is that I have a problem more with the ADD than Dave.
Okay, enough skirting around the true issues here. It's so funny that I can be so successful at avoiding the true issues because than maybe it will be less real and possibly not as big an issue. What a load of crap! ADD truly sucks! It's hard not to define someone with the way they are.
I get really nervous when Dave has a business meeting because he can become so involved in his meeting that he loses track of time. If it falls on a day that I have to work and I'm relying on him to be at home to watch our children by a certain time, it can cause huge tension. My professional integrity is on the line and our steady income. I need him to be home on time and I'm not going to leave my children alone. Do you see my dilemma here?
In the past, pre-children time, it was someone else's need to use the car or the shower or the bathroom. It may seem insignificant but when you are relying on someone to return the car at a certain time so you yourself can make it to a meeting or a gym class or a party or just meeting a friend for coffee, that person's timing is critical. Or that person taking their fair share of the hot water so you can have a hot shower or a certain amount of time so you can get cleaned up in the bathroom so you can get to work or out the door, the timing plays a huge factor on your day.
If you are not careful, you can certainly question that person. Are they just totally self absorbed? Are they just completely selfish? But the ADD just has a hold on their mind in which they truly struggle with timing.
Like I said yesterday...he loses track of time in the shower. He left for church twenty minutes after church was supposed to start. Not to mention the twenty minutes it takes to drive to church. Typically Dave doesn't run that late. It was a pretty bad day in terms of the ADD fog.
It is quite dangerous for a person with ADD to have their work in their own home too. The work is always there. If there is an area that he really enjoys, the time slips away from him without him even recognizing how much time has gone by. Or if there is something that is truly challenging, he gets what he calls 'locked in'. He has huge challenges leaving it until he has successfully figured things out. Everything else can go to the way-side. For the person with ADD, life outside the office is an outside world, a different world.
Yes, having work at home has certain benefits. He has the benefits of accomplishing work when Jack is in school and when Gabe is napping, but you have to have a lot of self control to leave work and not continuously be going back. And with my busy work schedule and the constant interruptions, the office is frequently beckoning him. His work is never done. Then with the ADD on top of everything else, it is twice as hard to detach himself from his work. Plus he takes pride in his work and he gets a ton of fulfillment in his work. Likely more noticeable fulfillment than the grueling hours and hours of challenging parenting. The joy of parenting children with complex needs...a child with autism, and one with a speech delay and two others whom have their own needs as well.
How much is the ADD and how much is the personality? I am unsure. Won't heaven be a wonderful place?