Do you ever have moments where your best just never seems good enough? All of the parent's around you seem to be flawless but as hard as you try, your flaws just keep resurfacing. And to make it worse...your kids start showing you your flaws by acting them out.
I've tried but on my own strength, I'm still full of flaws. Aaaaahhhh! Everyone! The light has come on and Ann has realized that she is not perfect. Even though you are all perfect, I am full of flaws.
Have you ever been in a power struggle with your child and they keep at you. Asking and asking and asking and trying to wear you down. Trying to push those boundaries.
Well, Jack always does that but Maddie is pushing her limits. Man, it is tough! My children have a really really really hard time hearing "no".
Come to think of it, Zach is also pushing the boundaries. Zach is absolutely brutal! He just asks and asks and asks. It's almost as if 'no' is a different language and he just doesn't understand it. It is completely foreign to him. I'm just so tired of saying no to them and feeling like I am the one disappointing them.
They got me right in the place they want me to be. A guilt ridden mom.
No, you cannot go to the park by yourself. No you cannot play on the computer, your father is working. No, you cannot have your third glass of juice, it is time to drink water. No no no!
And so I've come to the realization that I am trying to do everything on my own strength. I am constantly looking for the perfect solution. I'm trying to find relief by finding a babysitter, and by getting enough rest but nothing ever seems enough.
I don't know if you have ever tried everything but your own esteem is never good enough. Working harder, or just working more but it just never seems like enough. So what do you do? Where do you go? I hesitate to say that I am going to go to God because I don't want to sound 'preachy' or 'religious' but I'm seriously empty. I'm seriously at the end of my rope and everything I have tried and it has been all for not. It is not working and I have tried. I am done! Maybe I just need to let go and let God! Whatever you choose is up to you but I'm done!